Do you ever...

make a phone call, and in the time it takes for the person to answer, your mind has wandered, and your are thinking of something else, so you are actually surprised when someone picks up the phone and says hello?

I do that.

I am home with little guy today because he is sick. He was sick last night and kept waking up crying. We brought him into bed with us, which was sweet. But then this morning, I heard a THUD, and then a screeching wail. Yep, he had rolled out of bed, so it was off to the doctor's office this morning.

He's fine. Just has a big ol' goosebump on his head.

Though I am worried about the Google traffic….

So the other day, my wife says to me, “The other nurses have invited me to a s#x toy party, but I’m not sure if I should go.”

“What!” I responded.

“It’s a bachelorette party, but I’m not sure…we have a busy weekend, and they will be drinking..”

“You are SO going to that party!”

A nurses s#x toy party! With drunk nurses! Have you ever heard anything hotter? Apparently, its just like a Tupperware party, but with toys. The young woman getting married requested it.

BTW - one time I mention taking a rectal temp, and its like I am running a medical fetish web site. You should see my stats. The things people are into.

The Reluctant Activist

This next post is on a topic that makes me slightly hysterical, which is why I have hesitated to write about it. Massequality is the coalition group that is working to keep same sex marriage legal in Massachusetts. Getting involved with Massequality has meant doing a lot of things that I am not really comfortable with. I am a very shy person, and I stood outside the polling places during the Presidential election and asked people to sign petitions in support of us. And they didn’t send me to a friendly poll place in gay JP either. I have also been asked to talk to friends, families and co-workers about this issue. I have called, emailed and discussed this with just about everyone. (My current employer excluded. People don’t really “talk” here). I worry that my friends are getting a little tired of hearing from me about this issue.

But I want to direct everyone’s attention the blog, Pieces of Gray. This story breaks my heart. It involves love gone wrong, a child, late breaking conversions to Christianity, and the courts.

Cheryl Barlow and Keri Jones who lived in Utah, traveled to Vermont to enter into a civil union and traveled back to live in Utah. Please note that the rights and responsibilities of civil unions do not “travel” outside of Vermont. They had a little girl together. Cheryl Barlow was the bio mom. The relationship later ended, and Barlow converted to Christianity and renounced homosexuality. She refused joint custody with Jones. Keri Jones then embarked on an incredibly expensive and emotional journey through the Utah courts to try and gain visitation rights. In the end, the Utah courts declared her a legal stranger, and she has no contact with her daughter.

I do not know this family, but to say that I feel for Keri Jones doesn’t cover it. I ache for her. I can’t imagine anything worse than losing your child. And I have seen this very situation before. Life is difficult. People let each other down. But because of bigotry, gay families do not have the same access to the courts that straight families have.

So I continue to harass my friends, and my legislators. Because I want the abuse to stop. Because we are citizens, and we deserve the same rights as everyone else. Because I can imagine a different life for gay families.


BTW – I had asked a friend of mine who is a member of the clergy to call her state reps. I was a little embarrassed, and said, I hope I am not being annoying. And she said, “If you want to change things, you are going to have to be annoying.” So buck up baby! She didn’t say that last part, I added it in, but she was right.

Joy Joy Joy!!!!

My boss just told me my business trip has been canceled! I was being sent because the because the boys in Houston weren't getting along with the boys in Boston. I was being sent to try and smooth things over. But now, they are getting along so poorly that they don't even want to talk to one another. Isn't that great?

It is probably just postponing the inevitable, but right now, I am pretty happy.

Sit down in your thinking chair and think, think, think...

Housewife nominated me for the Thinking Blogger’s Award . This is really nice, and kind of funny since I haven’t been thinking lately, just emoting. Anyway, I am supposed to tag five other blogs that make me think. This is also kind of a nice way to point out some of the blogs on my blogroll, and let you know why I like them.

1. I feel kind of bad about this, because I think Rosie probably will tag him as well, but her nominees aren’t up yet, so I tag Paul at Original Faith. When I say that his blog makes me think, I mean, I need to be well rested to read it.
   
   
   
2. This blog is heavy on the local politics, but I really love Marry in Massachusetts’ blog about, what else, marriage laws in Massachusetts.
   
   
   
3. I am also going to tag Lesbian Dad for talking about gender roles and feminism through the eyes of a parent.
   
   
   
4. I can’t believe I am even going to tag this next woman, because I don’t agree with a friggin thing she has to say, but when I want to hear intelligent discourse from the other side of the aisle, I go to Boston Maggie’s. I think she at a military blogger conference right now or something like that, but I am tagging her anyway. (Yes, we do have republicans in Massachusetts. Here’s one – go read her blog)
   
   
   
5. The last one is probably the most controversial, but Comic Mom has really made me rethink my views on adoption. I don't agree with her, but she makes me think! Her views run against the norm, but they are the result of her experience, and her desire to speak the truth about being an adoptee. For this, she has been hounded half out of her mind by infertile couples. Luckily, she’s feisty, and I always like that in a girl, so I am tagging her too. (I don’t want to hear about anyone going over there and harassing her. She knows! She knows! Her views are unpopular).
   

I also want to say that I was going to nominate Dark Daughta at one tenacious baby momma, but someone beat to it. But I love her blog. If you have the time, open your mind and visit her.

So put this cute little award on your blog, link back to me, and tag five others.

For the families who lost their children today

Maria, gratia plena
Maria, gratia plena
Ave, ave dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictus
Et benedictus fructus ventris
Ventris tui, Jesus
Ave Maria, gratia plena

Postpartum

I had a difficult weekend. It started about Friday night, and by Saturday, I couldn’t get out of bed. I felt this numbness that was draining all of the energy out of me. By Sunday morning, I was just crying and crying, not able to do anything at all. I managed to pull myself together enough to go to an Al-Anon meeting Sunday afternoon, where the crying started all over again.

What prompted all of this was my boss telling me that I had to go to Houston for a business trip. I just got back from a business trip, and I don’t want to be away from my son and wife.

But of course, it’s about more than that.

My birth experience was traumatic. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, and was suppose to be on bed rest. I wasn’t even supposed to sit up. I really needed the people in my life to take care of me. But they couldn’t. They couldn’t because I have always taken care of them, and switching roles was outside of their conception. They couldn’t because they are self-centered. They are selfish. They couldn’t because they were raised in the exact same household I was, and they are fucked up too.

It was the most vulnerable time in my life, and I felt completely abandoned. It ended up with my sister and me getting in a screaming argument. This was very bad. The danger with preeclampsia is that your blood pressure is raised, so this stress was not ok. She left before my son was born. We haven’t spoken since.

I have been angry since then. It was as if something broke inside of me. A valve came off. I have been difficult to deal with.

It’s been really difficult to communicate to people exactly what I have been going through. I had a therapist, but she treated my unwillingness to put my son in daycare as pathology. I fired her and just ended up angrier.

I have been trying to communicate with my wife, but she’s got her own shit to deal with. Not even in my AA meetings, where I usually find refuge, do I feel that I have been able to convey what this has all meant to me.

And now, I find, when something happens that I don’t like, I don’t agree with, I find it really difficult to deal with it. I don’t want to go to Houston. In fact, I don’t want to be working at all. I hate the separation from my son. And I am a little fucking sick and tired of being so freaking functional. Look where it’s gotten me.

BTW – the fact that I can even write this means that I am feeling a little better. And yes, I am going to get some outside help.

Mom and Mama - any other ideas?

Hi Maria,

I’m so glad you stopped by. Despite, the name of my blog, we struggle with this issue. We decided on Mom and Mama because I am from the west, and growing up, I didn’t know anyone who called their mother Ma. It was always Mom or even Mother. My wife is a townie. Around here, Ma (spoken with a Boston accent MAAAH) is common. I became Mom and she became Ma. However, our son doesn’t talk yet, and he may have other ideas.

Mom and Mama, or some variation thereof, is the most common solution I have seen.

I have also seen kids with gay moms call them “Mommie Jane and Mommie Kay” but I think you want to get away from gender roles, and this doesn’t solve your problem at all.

I grew up with a girl with hippy parents who called her mom and dad by their first names. I’m not that into this though because it was kind of confusing. I was stunned to learn that this “Rob and Sharon” she always talked about, were her parents.

I have seen Mom and Nana, but Nana is how lil’ guy and his cousins refer to their grandmother, so I am not really into this one either

Polly over at Lesbiandad.net answers to Baba which means “Father” in several languages. You are still getting into gender roles, just foreign ones, but it works for some people.

I am asking around for you. Do any of the lesbian moms out there have any really great ideas?

I also want to recommend this book. It is a bunch of exciting essays written by the non-biological mother. A lot of them mention this very issue.

Because I listen so well to advice

I was really glad to see Rhea stop by and leave a comment. She’s my old roommate, and it’s always good to hear from her. But her comment got me thinking. There are a couple of things that I have done in my life that have caused some serious reactions from other people.

The first one was quitting drinking. Your bar friends and alcoholic relatives don’t like it when you suddenly stop (except for Yoyo girl who was totally supportive).

The next thing was having a baby. For some reason, several people saw my pregnancy as an invitation to tell me all about why they chose not to have kids. I have some serious “nice girl” training that I struggle to overcome. In other words, I am always nice even when in my head I am thinking, “Why fuck are you telling me this? I don’t care why you don’t have children! I am obviously choosing differently.”

The latest one is deciding to go to law school. People have a lot of opinions about this. I guess there are a lot of feelings about lawyers. As a matter of fact, I am having dinner tomorrow with a good friend. She’s a SAHM. She is also a member of the bar. Every time I mention law school, she squeaks under her breath, “Don’t do it!”

I love all the support I’m getting.

La femme boheme

I came back from California with the nastiest cold. I decided I should still go to work because I have only been there for a month, and I already took a couple of days of when lil’ guy was sick. I walked around Boston hacking like the female protagonist in a 19th century opera, except without the singing. People moved away from me on the train. It’s that bad.

When the weekend finally came, I got into my pajamas and laid down on the couch. I was all prepared to watch my Netflix movie, The Day I Became a Woman, which is an Iranian film about a 9 year old Muslim girl’s last day without a burka. But instead, I ran across this, The Flavor of Love Marathon, which is perfect for the Easter weekend. I watched an entire season in one sitting. When I woke up this morning, I really hated myself for it. (I am really glad New York didn't win).

BTW - I asked Jen if she thought I could have TB. She said no, she thought I had whooping cough. That is what she has seen at the hospital. Maybe I should go to the doctor.

I didn’t even RSVP

I survived my first business trip. My wife still loves me, and my son knows who I am. It was interesting. It was a trade show, and Halliburton was there with a booth the size of my condo in Boston. They were even throwing a big party on the Queen Mary for everyone. I didn’t go. At the time, I figured I need this job because I have a kid and a mortgage, but I drew the line at attending a Halliburton party. Besides, I don’t drink.

When I got home though, I wondered if maybe I should have gone. It would be like attending a party thrown by Darth Vader and the Storm Troopers. I could have been a spy for the Rebel Alliance. As I write this, I have had the realization that I am a complete geek.