Thursday, June 15, 2006

Brains vs. Brawn

One thing that I have noticed with my lesbian mom friends is that we love to talk about our sperm donors. Actually, I think my straight friends are pretty interested in this too. Some of them will come right out and ask about the donor, while others are more hesitant, perhaps fearing to be rude. I don’t mind. I love talking about it.

We ended up with #3672 at the California Cryobank. You can’t get any more of his sperm, he has been put out to pasture. When we decided to get pregnant, my wife and I had really different views about what kind of donor we wanted. I wanted a really good-looking donor. It has been my observation that beautiful people sail through life. My wife wanted a really smart donor. She comes from a very intelligent family, and I think brain power is the main way they navigate through the world.

I actually found my beautiful donor. He was an Italian donor in a Virginia cryobank. The nurse’s notes said that he was as good-looking as a movie star. I was beside myself. This was the one. However, when my wife heard his taped interview, she thought he sounded lazy and unmotivated. I argued these were environmental traits and not genetically linked. Meanwhile, she found 3672 at California. He was an electrical engineer with fantastic SAT scores.

I really don’t know how she won this. I think it may have been due to a rounded chorus of our friends chiming in. The overall feeling seemed to be that going with the smarter guy was the right thing to do. Why that is, I still don’t understand. But the long and the short of it is, we went with her guy.

Now, I have to say, my baby is really cute, so I got what I wanted. Every time I go out, I hear the phrase “Gerber baby” sent my way. But the thing that I didn’t realize, you love your baby no matter what. He could have been born with two heads, and I still would have loved him.

A therapist I was seeing at the time suggested that when choosing a donor, to focus on health. His reasoning was that there is a lot of debate about what is genetic and what isn’t, but they know that health has genetic factors. I think that is pretty wise. We only have five more vials of our guys, so we may have to go back to the sperm store. Though, knowing me, I will be looking for the movie star again.

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