Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Quick update

So I woke up this morning to things being shut off. First it was the cable, and then the phone and then the internet. First thought was not how am I going to continue to send out resumes, but how will I blog? Luckily, one of my slacker accounts had finally paid me, and much to my surprise, the check cleared so I had money to get everything turned back on.

Yesterday’s interview went pretty well, but it was short. Not sure what to make of it. I think that means either the interviewer took one look at me and thought, “You are so perfect for this job, we don’t need to go on.” Or it means she took one look at me and thought, “I would rather have a poke in the eye with a red hot poker than work with you.”

In little boy news, my son has been soooo sweet lately. I’ve been a little bit depressed, and he and the dog just give me hugs and kisses all day. I’ll be sitting on the couch staring out the window, and he will toddle over to me and puts his arms around my knees and pats my leg. I didn’t even know he knew how to hug. No matter what, remember this, it has all been worth it.


Aaron said...

In the wake of all of the recent sex scandals in the past couple of years, months, weeks and days in Washington and now the leader of the evangelicals. Obviously because of their high profile positions in our society these stories tend to monopolize the news. For this reason I believe it is high time that the phenomenon of “the closet” needs to be addressed and understood. I rarely hear of “the closet” even discussed as playing an enormous role and contributing factor on whether it is newsworthy or not. I believe it essential to discuss “the closet” to provide the necessary context from which to view some of these scandals. This discussion needs to be civilized, and our knee jerk reactions and judgments held in check. We need to discuss this subject with compassion. The closet, meaning where people hide their sexual orientation, whether one is a man or woman but particularly I am speaking of men at this time because I believe men use the closet even more often than woman because of societies more narrow view and expectations of what behaviors are considered acceptable and “normal” for men. Woman can be tomboys much easier than men can be sissies. Of course not all gay men are effeminate by a long shot but that is a stereotypical image of gay men and therefore many men attempt to cover up any behaviors they may have and believe may bring unwanted suspicion onto them. Therefore men, whether they be gay or straight, will practice stereotypical masculine behaviors to thwart any suspicion out of fear and/or necessity. This is especially true if they feel pressure to do so to protect their careers, career advancement, fear of social denunciation or for a variety of other reasons whether they have difficulties reconciling their religious views with their natural inner feelings and same sex attractions. These are however the most common reasons for men to join the astounding numbers of other men that are also hiding in the closet.

The fear of being discovered can be enormous and absolutely terrifying. These men will often then do whatever they believe society expects from them. They will marry and have children out of desperation in an always unsuccessful attempt at suppressing these natural longings and hoping that they will eventually go away. These powerful feelings of attraction that we all know very well and have all experienced ourselves whether toward the same sex or the opposite sex, it’s all still the same. They may also marry and have homosexual secret liaisons with men and feel terrible guilt in doing so. They will do their very best to compartmentalize their lives the best that they can. However I believe and have found while researching my book that the longer one stays in the closet the more damage is done. It is generally very difficult to compartmentalize ones life for long without developing some emotional problems begin developing in varying degrees and manifesting in a variety of ways. Many closeted men develop coping mechanisms such as addictive behaviors of all sorts whether they are alcoholism, prescription or non prescription drug abuse. They may develop addictions to pornography, sexual addiction or other self-destructive ways of acting out. Once again unfortunately the longer one stays in the closet there will then also generally be more victims because of their closeted lifestyle choice. The victims may be their wives and children, their friends, parents and siblings. All feeling like they have been betrayed and deceived when the closeted individuals true nature is discovered as it was for ex-governor of New Jersey, Mr. McGreevy, ex-congressmen Foley and now the president of the Evangelicals, to name just a few of the staggering number of men that have also been hiding their true selves. I feel very sad for the victims as well as I very much understand the humiliation, despair, and profound depression that the closeted individual feels that soon follows once that door to the closet is flung open. For some, the shame and fear is just too unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ending their unbearable pain and shame.

Society needs to take some responsibility with this matter of the closet by being more accepting of alternative lifestyles. Without the closet, try and imagine how much less pain many people and families would have to endure. Not only the ones that feel that living in the closet is their only alternative, but for the victims that find themselves feeling betrayed and the breaking up of families that soon follows. We as a culture have some soul searching to do on this matter and not be so self-righteous. There are a variety of ways of loving and living. We need to accept the fact that, which seems to be normal for some is not necessarily normal for all. With that said in no way excuses adult men from making wrong choices that victimize others such as the irresponsible behaviors demonstrated by the now ex-congressmen Foley. I'm not even going to go so far as to say his closeted behaviors are the reason for his conduct. I don't know. I don't know him. However, as I said the closet can cause deep and very troubling emotional problems that can eventually manifest in abhorrent behaviors. This may or may not be the cause of his behaviors. However one thing I do know is that he does know what's right and wrong and as he surely knew, his attractions to young teens, although may not be technically illegal, is however an inappropriate attraction and should have sought therapy before creating victims. However, because there is still so much shame yet in this day and age in our rather hypocritical puritanical society, cause many gays not to seek help concerning issues they may be struggling with from the appropriate professionals. I generally do not recommend clergy because it can cause further damage due to their religious agendas which can deepen one's shame and depression. This is a very complicated issue that society has to become more compassionate about or we will continue to shame many people with same sex attractions enough that will continue to inhibit many from being true to themselves from the beginning or it may prevent them from seeking the appropriate help for any specific personal issues in which they may be struggling with.

One can read more about this issue and many other disturbing issues involving gay culture of today in my new book; "why gay men do what they do", an inside look at gay culture. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver

Housewife said...

Wow, that was long...

Maybe the little guy wants you to stop staring out the window.

A little "act as if..." might go far...

I'm sorry things seem sucky but I'm thinking someone as articulate as you will be pulling on a pair of pantyhose and joining the workforce any moment.

In the interim why not enjoy being home with the little guy???

googiebaba said...

Hey housewife. Aaron's post was long, I don't even know who he is. He just stopped by...

You are totally right about enjoying being home with the little guy. Its not like I am going to get the chance again.