Monday, May 15, 2006

Confessions of a biological mother

For mother’s day, I bought my wife a copy of Confessions of the Other Mother, nonbiological lesbian moms tell all. It seemed like a no brainer. I haven’t had time to read much of it, but I was interested in Harlyn Aizley’s introduction as the editor. She is the biological mother of her daughter, and she confesses in the intro that she wanted to be the only mommy to her daughter despite the fact that the birth was planned with her partner.

This interest me because I had a completely different experience. Like I said in previous posts, I was completely overwhelmed by motherhood. I felt like a fraud. My wife however, is a pediatric nurse, and boy, did she know what she was doing. She was able to quiet the colic (at times), she makes a mean swaddle and is great at taking a rectal temp. Though I am the biological mother and I am breastfeeding, I often felt like the babysitter waiting for the real mother to come home. During the worst of my son’s colic, I remember watching the clock, and responding to his wails with, “Just hold on, the mom who knows what she is doing will be home any minute.”

In the last few weeks, there has been a shift in this dynamic. His colic has passed, and he has turned into a spirited, but basically calm baby. My wife works quite a bit, and I am home with our son all the time. We are basically together 24/7 and we’ve gotten to know each other. I have become really adapt at knowing his changing moods. Yesterday, he was cooing sweetly, and I looked at him and said, “He is about to get fussy,” and wouldn’t you know it, he started to cry. My wife was impressed.

I think she may feel a little left out that we have grown so close. He smiles when I walk into the room, and his smile breaks my heart. However, I am really confident that my wife and our son will overcome the time constraints of their relationship. With her sense of fun and generosity of spirit and his sweet nature, I have no doubt they will find their way.

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