Friday, May 12, 2006

This is just to say

you people suck. You know who you are. The ones who have come to this blog just because you saw the word gay and parenting in the same sentence. Why you people can’t keep your opinions to yourself is beyond me. It may be because you are probably Christian and Jesus gave you the Great Commission. But I suspect it is really just poor upbringing.

A friend of mine has been after me to start a blog about gay parenting for a while. I hesitated because I am so busy with my 4 ½ month old son, that I wasn’t sure that I had the time. I live in Massachusetts where gay issues are pretty consistently in the news. When I read the paper, I have come to compartmentalize the day into good gay days and bad gay days. A good gay day is when you read about a legislature changing his mind about gay marriage, or gay parents being treated with respect at a Catholic school. And then there are the bad gay days, like when the headline reads that yet another marriage ban has passed in yet another state.

I am having a bad gay day. The headline this morning informed me that our lovely governor, Romney is suspending a committee that deals with gay youth issues (he wants to be president) and a friend of mine was harassed last night, in a liberal city – at an event for gay mothers. Lovely.

So this is my shout out to the world. I want to tell you that gays are not pedophiles, that lesbians and gay men are not categorically abusive to their children. In fact, we are mega parents, we carry our children in swings 24/7, we breastfeed the kids for years, and then we don’t buy store processed baby food, we make it from organic vegetables. We don’t let our kids watch tv and we teach them sign language before they can talk. (At least most lesbians are like this. I however, have taken a different track, but more on that later.)

I would tell you all of this, but I suspect that bigots are not convinced by reason or evidence. My guess is, bigots just die, and then a more enlightened group of kids come along, and the world is better. The reason why I believe this is anecdotal, but here is the story. My partner’s grandfather served in World War II. He was anti-Semitic. During the war, his life had been saved by a Jewish guy. The guy risked his life and saved his. This did not change his mind. He died anti-Semitic. But his grandkids are better than that. Life just goes on.


Yoyo said...

This blog is right on! You tell em! I know that you two are great parents! Mega parents in fact. I also know that there are a bunch of other amazing gay parents out there in the world. I am hopeful that future generations will know this as well.

dwg said...

You go girl.

However, I do differ with you in two respects.

Although I am gay, I no longer set that as aside as my primary defining character element. It's an important aspect of my identity, but not the only one.

Also, I am not a parent, so that is NOT a defining characteristic of my personality at all.

I also think people DO change with personal contact and interaction with individuals who differ substantially from them. Bigotry is a manifestation of fear. When bigots discover they have nothing to fear, the bigotry diminishes. But it does take time and frequent exposure.
That is why I feel it is important to where the ENTIRETY of my being on the outside as well as the inside. Its very hard to be afraid of someone that you know and respect for ALL that they are.

M. you just keep on being the person you are. I love you just that way!

dwg said...

sorry -- that was THREE respects not two and the "where" in the 2nd to last paragraph should read "wear"


buddhistmom said...

Although many lesbian parents don't carry their babies in slings 24/7, cook organic baby meals, teach them to sign, and breastfeed for years (okay, I admit I do these things, as do a lot of lesbian parents I know), I do agree that we are, by and large, mega-uber-moms. My *ahem* unbiased opinion that two moms are better than one notwithstanding...I think this is true to a certain degree because we feel that pressure to prove ourselves to the rest of the world. Which is a shame. But on the bright side, our kids benefit. Plus, we often have to jump through a lot of hoops to have babies. Hence these children are intentional, long-hoped-for members of our families...we see them as blessings and sometimes miracles.

I was excited by the blog, but disappointed that the first post was an aggressive attack. I'm with dwg - there are ways to get through to these folks (aka "You people") that are more, shall we say, strategic than cathartic. Either way, great idea!

blm said...

So happy you have a blog and are actually blogging.
I think posting in an intense emotional state induced by displeasure is okay.